Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The 12 Days of Yelpiness

Yelp throws a handful of huge parties throughout the year. The 12 Days of Yelpiness is no exception. On Thursday, December 8th, the Zhou B Art Center will be chocked full of free food, alcohol, entertainment, endangered animals, balloons filled with breast milk, and much, much MORE! There's still time to RSVP. Just cross your fingers and hope that you get an email confirmation soon. Please note that this event is FREE but there is a suggested $5 donation that will benefit the Rock for Kids charity.

The 12 Days of Yelpiness
Thursday, December 8 | 7 - 9 PM
Zhou B Art Center
1029 West 35th Street

Click HERE to RSVP (If you're not a Yelp member you'll have to register and RSVP by clicking the RSVP button at the top right corner of the page.)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A Night at the Irish True

Thrillist and Tullamore Dew, the triple-distilled Irish Whiskey, invite you to "A Night at the Irish True" at the Goose Island Gallery 1028 on Tuesday, December 6th. Guests will sip Tullamore Dew while witnessing a lively, burlesque re-enactment of the great Irish Potato Famine of the 1840's. Well, maybe that's not totally true, but I better see some boobs and potatoes or boob-shaped potatoes or I'm gonna start a good ol' fashion Irish pub brawl!

A Night at the Irish True
Gallery 1028
Tuesday, December 6 | 7 - 11 PM
1028 N. Hooker


Black Wednesday Re-Union

There are a million “Black Wednesday” themed parties taking place tomorrow, but the one at Union Sushi + Barbecue Bar stands out because they’ll have free food! Hit up Union tomorrow, November 23rd, for complimentary passed skewers and sushi! If you’re one of those one-percenters who enjoys flaunting your blood money in the faces of those who are financially deprived, you can check out some of the specialty sake cocktails and other non-patriotic drinks crafted by mixologist, Adam Seger.

True story—prior to today I thought Black Wednesday was merely the name of a character in the Addams Family porn parody that I keep handy on my smartphone heard about from some unscrupulous pervert.

Black Wednesday Re-Union
Wednesday, November 23 | 9 PM – 1 AM
UNION Sushi + Barbecue Bar
230 W. Erie St


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Henri Bendel Grand Opening

Henri Bendel is finally opening a store in Chicago at Water Tower Place! [pause for orgasm] The launch party takes place on Friday, November 18th, and guests will be able to shop for the hottest new handbags while sipping champagne and taking turns in a digital photo booth...just like a sleepover at Jerry Sandusky's house. Too soon? All you fashionistas of the Midwest can finally rejoice. True story--I thought "fashionistas" was a term for fascist Mexicans.

Henri Bendel Grand Opening
Friday, November 18 | 6 - 9 PM
Water Tower Place
845 Michigan Avenue

No RSVP  (Click HERE for more info)

Shrine Haberdashery One Year Anniversary

Shrine Haberdashery is celebrating its One Year Anniversary on Thursday, November 17th in the James Hotel! This event will feature 1920s style cocktails and appetizers (e.g. Prohibition Punch and Communist Croquettes), live entertainment and a fashion show.

Shrine Haberdashery One Year Anniversary
Thursday, November 17 | 7 - 9 PM
The Grand Room at the James Hotel
55 E. Ontario St

RSVP to by November 14, 2011. (Obviously the registration deadline was yesterday but I just found out about it. Don't email me death threats if you don't get accepted!)

Apartment Number 9 Tenth Anniversary

Apartment Number 9 is celebrating its Tenth Anniversary by hosting a Rag & Bone pop-up shop on Friday, November 18th. Wasn't Rag & Bone a member of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? Free cocktails and snacks will be served and shoppers will receive a 20% discount on all Rag & Bone purchases (offer good through 11/20).

Apartment Number 9 Tenth Anniversary
Friday, November 18 | 5 - 8 PM
1804 N. Damen Ave

Red Mango Grand Opening

Despite the imminent arrival of wintry death that will soon suck the souls out of all Chicagoans, frozen yogurt joints are still popping up everywhere. In fact a new Red Mango is opening its doors in Water Tower Place on Thursday, November 17th. Stop by the new location between 4 and 8 PM to get a free frozen yogurt with delicious toppings like strawberries, pineapples, graham crackers, or the exclusive Chicago topping, giardiniera peppers.

Red Mango Grand Opening
Thursday, November 17 | 7 PM
Water Tower Place | Level 7
835 North Michigan Avenue

A Movember to Remember

John Allan's Chicago and Darren Brown are hosting an event for Movember at John Allan's penthouse man spa on Friday, November 18th. Guests can enjoy complimentary beer and cocktails as well as mini massages, manicures and hair cuts.

In case you weren't aware, during the month of November men all over the world grow out their woman-repelling mustaches to bring awareness to men's health, specifically prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men. While this is certainly for a good cause it unfortunately leads to a spike in false arrests of guys who closely resemble police sketches of rapists and Unabombers. Proceeds from the event will be donated to Movember's cause to raise funds for prostate cancer research.

JA Chicago & Darren Brown present Movember
Friday, November 18 | 7 PM
John Allan's Chicago
111 W. Jackson Blvd - Penthouse Suite


Friday, November 11, 2011

Darryll Schiff Grand Opening

Gentner Furniture Design will showcase a display of artist Darryll Schiff's works on Friday, November 11th. Complimentary drinks and appetizers will be served. Visit to check out some of his pieces. The "In Vista" collection (see picture above) includes high-quality blurry photos that apparently emulates the perspective of someone with a severe migraine. Check it out.

Darryll Schiff Grand Opening
Friday, November 11 | 5 - 8  PM
Gentner Furniture Design
228 West Kinzie Street

No RSVP required

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Cityblue Apparel & Denim Second Anniversary Party

Cityblue Apparel & Denim is hosting its Second Anniversary Party on  Friday, November 11th from 7 to 9 p.m. The event will include cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, gift bags, and a raffle! Shoppers will also receive a 20% discount when they buy stuff! I went to the first anniversary party and got a tad wasted. I woke up the next morning wearing nothing but a stylish, raccoon vest (only $304) and one leather pant leg. I hope that image runs through your head all day long.

Cityblue Apparel & Denim Second Anniversary Party
Friday, November 11 | 7 - 9 PM
1444 N. Wells St

RSVP to by 12 PM. on Friday, November 11

Meet the Matchmaker

Stef Safran, "Chicago's Introductionista", is hosting a meet and greet for single ladies who are interested in "Stef and the City", a one-on-one matchmaking service. This free event will take place at Excalibur on Friday, November 11th, and there will be an abundance of free drinks and appetizers for all you chicks who still don't have a ring on it. Guess what? Sheila Kelley's S-Factor will be at the event! I was hoping the S-Factor was some sort of juggling, burlesque troupe but apparently it's a pole-dancing workout class. Still a winner in my book! Space is limited to only 200 people so RSVP immediately for free entry and a gift bag.  I wonder if the gift bag comes with Sheila Kelley's S-Factor Pole Powder--don't wrap your thighs around a pole without it.

Girl's Night Out: Meet the Matchmaker
Friday, November 11 | 7 - 9 PM
632 N. Dearborn St.

Click HERE to RSVP

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

BlackBook Midnight Mixologists

BlackBook is celebrating the artistry of its 2011 Midnight Mixologists with a party at Crossing on Thursday, November 10th! The elite mixologists will be on deck to showcase their custom Stoli cocktails, and guests will have an opportunity to try Stoli’s new Chocolat Razberi flavor. I’m pretty sure I dated a fatherless daughter stripper named Chocolat Razberi back in the day. Unfortunately she used me and I was just another notch on her g-string. To this day, her clear, platform heels still run through my head. This invite is good for you and one guest so sign up below to get on the list.

BlackBook Midnight Mixologists
Thursday. November 10 | 8 – 11 PM
2548 North Southport Avenue

Click HERE to RSVP

Molteni & C Grand Opening

[Update: My RSVP was CONFIRMED and then subsequently DENIED a couple days later. What part of the game is this?! It looks like all CS-sponsored events are going to be very exclusive henceforth. If you haven't received an invite, or you belong to the 99%, you are not allowed to booze with the beautiful people.]

The Molteni & C Grand Opening is popping off at the Merchandise Mart on Thursday, November 17th. Concetta Cipriano is hosting a fashion show to unveil the sexy new Cettina Design spring-summer 2012 collection! DJ Ciabatta Panini will be on the ones and twos. This is sponsored by EFFEN Vodka and Pure Kitchen Catering so there should be some decent food and drinks. I'll see ya there!

Molteni & C Grand Opening
Thursday, November 17th | 6 – 9 PM
Fashion Show starts at 7 PM
Merchandise Mart
222 Merchandise Mart Plaza – Suite 128

Monday, November 7, 2011

Spend the Night with Windows Phone

Microsoft is hosting a promo event on 11/11/11 (OMG… palindromes!) to show of the newest Windows smart phones. This event will take place in the Museum of Contemporary Art Warehouse and will include free drinks, food, mad giveaways and a live performance by “The Drums”. You have to RSVP for this event through Facebook via some long, intrusive registration process. You also need to LIKE the Windows Phone page. It’s pretty ridiculous, but I’ve done much worse for free booze and food. Yes, I’ve sucked toes for Hennessy. Don’t judge me!

Microsoft Windows Mobile Promo Party
Friday, November 11 | 7 PM
Museum of Contemporary Art Warehouse
1747 W. Hubbard St

Click HERE to RSVP

DailyCandy and SOREL Party

DailyCandy is hosting an event to show off the new SOREL winter collection of boots for men, women, kids and human centipedes. Get your peruse on while sipping sparkling wine and eating appetizers and baked treats. RSVP to get a special DailyCandy gift at the event.

DailyCandy and SOREL
Thursday, November 10 | 5:30 – 8 PM
Columbia Sportswear
830 N. Michigan Ave.

Click HERE to RSVP

Beaujolais Noveau Tasting

The uncorking of the first bottle of Dubeouf Beaujolais Nouveau (my spell-check just EXPLODED) is taking place on Wednesday, November 16th. Be the first to sample the new wine and see the unique, artistic label designed by “Kaves”, a (in)famous graffiti artist from New York. For some reason the bottle reminds me of a poster for the movie Breakin’. Space is limited so RSVP quickly.

Beaujolais Noveau Tasting
Wednesday, November 16th | 10 PM – 1 AM
Architectural Artifacts
4325 N. Ravenswood Ave

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Sparkly Happy Hour

Objets d'Envy is hosting a "Sparkly Happy Hour" for all of its wonderful customers on Thursday, November 3rd at Province. Check out all of the new jewelry, receive discounts on certain pieces, and nibble on appetizers lovingly prepared by Chef Randy. Chef Randy sounds like the name of a recurring character in a series of British porno movies that I totally don't have saved on my computer. Patrons will also receive a free specialty cocktail with any purchase. Wait a minute, do you only receive a free drink if you buy something?? What kind of socialist happy hour is this?! This is America! I drink first and then I shoplift buy stuff!

Objets d'Envy Sparkly Happy Hour
Thursday, November 3 | 5:30 - 7:30 PM
161 N. Jefferson (Between Lake and Randolph)

RSVP to Kirsten

Patron's Hacienda Grand Opening

Stop by Patron's Hacienda TONIGHT for the GRAND OPENING PARTY! "Chicago's First Mexican Steakhouse" is celebrating its opening with a complimentary OPEN BAR from 5 - 7 PM! You know how much tequila you can drink in two hours? It doesn't matter because you won't remember anything after the first 30 minutes. Don't forget to head over to the Celluloid Salon tonight as well. A quick word of advice--mixing tequila and Drambuie will probably lead to an intestinal rupture. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Patron's Hacienda Grand Opening
Wednesday, November 2 | 5 - 7 PM
316 W. Erie St (between Orleans and Franklin)

No RSVP required.

TR Napa Valley Wine Tasting

TR Napa Valley, the newest tenant on Oak Street, is hosting a complimentary wine tasting on Tuesday, November 8th. Guests will have the opportunity to sniff, sip, and spit the finest wines from Sanford of Santa Barbara, California. Exciting, yes? I like my wine like my women, full-bodied and well-aged. I'm looking at you, Helen Mirren. Grrrowl.

TR Napa Valley - Sanford Wine Tasting
Tuesday, November 8 | 6 - 9 PM
61 E. Oak St

No RSVP required.