Friday, April 29, 2011

Rising Stars

The Joffrey Auxiliary Board invites you to a sneak peak of Rising Stars, a new production from The Joffrey Ballet, followed by a reception on Wednesday, May 11th. The reception will consist of complimentary champagne, hors d'ouevres and several failed attempts to hook up with the dancers. Since the appetizers and liquor are served after the program you may need to rely on a flask or Cognac-filled Robitussin bottle to hold you over. Good luck!

Rising Stars Affinity Night
Wednesday, May 11 | 5:30 P.M.
The Joffrey Tower | 10 East Randolph

5:30 PM - Registration
6:00 PM - Program
6:45 PM - Reception

To RSVP call 312-784-4640

Roche Bobois

Roche Bobois is celebrating its 50th Anniversary with cocktails on Thursday, May 12th. A mere glance at any piece from the new Jean Paul Gaultier collection may cause your genitals to quiver with desire. Or that could be a symptom of a sexually transmitted disease. Have yourself a drink or two and feel free to seek medical attention afterwards.

Roche Bobois 50th Anniversary
Thursday, May 12 | 6 - 8 PM
222 W. Hubbard St.

RSVP before May 8th to or 312-274-2508

Shrine Haberdashery

The Shrine Haberdashery will offer complimentary appetizers and cocktails to patrons who visit the store on Wednesday, May 11th from 6 - 9 p.m. Complimentary style consultations, shirt and suit measurings, and grooming services (courtesy of John Allan's) will be provided. I probably can't even afford a pocket square from this place, but a free cocktail, like an obese couple on an escalator, is very hard to pass up.

Shrine Haberdashery
Wednesday, May 11 | 6 PM - 9 PM
47 East Oak Street

RSVP to  just in case.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Sofitel Patio Launch

The Sofitel Water Tower Hotel is celebrating the official opening of its terrace for CafĂ© des Architectes and Le Bar on Tuesday, May 3rd. If the weather holds up this might be the first sexy al fresco event of the spring (that I know of). Barbecue and pastries will be prepared by seasoned chefs, and complimentary cocktails and wine will be provided to further exacerbate your embarrassing behavior.

I probably won't attend this little soiree because I don't like places with hoity toity names. All of my favorite restaurants have simple titles that begin with a person's name and end with a food, like Harold's Chicken, Al's BeefGarrett Popcorn or Habib's Fried Fish Chicken Burger Gyro Polish Shrimp Pizza Hotdog Falafel Joint. 

Sofitel Chicago Water Tower
Tuesday, May 3 | 6 - 8 PM
20 E. Chestnut St. (at Rush)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

SBAC April Happy Hour

"Hi, my name is Tim. If you think my handshake is firm, you should see my erection!"
The Small Business Advisory Council (SBAC) is continuing its Monthly Happy Hour series with a networking event at Whiskey Bar & Grill on Thursday, April 28th. This is a great opportunity to connect with a cougar/sugar daddy other professionals and initiate a drunk late night rendezvous and early morning regret lucrative business opportunities!

SBAC April Happy Hour
Whiskey Bar & Grill | 1015 N. Rush St
Thursday, April 28 | 6 - 8 PM

RSVP to Blanca Campos at or at (847) 990-7909

Art Chicago After Art Party

Art thou ready to party? It's about to go down on Friday, April 29th, when ART ROCKS, the Official After Art Party during Art Chicago, kicks off at EnV with complimentary cocktails from 6 - 8:30 PM. But wait, there's more! The After After Art Party After Art Chicago (what?) is happening at LUMEN with more complimentary cocktails provided by Corzo Tequila from 9 - 11 PM! Who knew art and alcohol could be such a perfect pairing?*

ART ROCKS After Art Party
Friday, April 29 | 6 - 8:30 PM
EnV Luxury Apartments | 161 W. Kinzie

After After Art Party
Friday, April 29 | 9 - 11 PM
Lumen Nightclub | 839 West Fulton Market

Go here to RSVP:

*Answer: Anyone who has ever attended an art gallery! Duh!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Peep Some Undies @ Underground

The Underground Style Series continues with a fashion show featuring The Underground's own new line of custom-designed sexy drawers, Undie Ground, on Thursday, April 21st. This should be a nice compliment to the CISC Anniversary Party taking place on the same night! Doors open at 9 PM and the fashion show should start around 11 PM so get there early and try not to blackout too soon. This event is sponsored by PopSugar and KetelOne Oranje and guests will  receive free gift bags, presumably filled with thong-shaped eye patches and boxer brief beer cozies.

Underground Style Series
Undies Sneak Peak
Thursday, April 21 | 9 PM - ??
56 W. Illinois


To see what else coming up for the Underground Style Series click the link below!

Sparkle! Nosh! Pose!

Objets d’Envy hosts its Sparkle! Nosh! Pose! (really?!) event at Province on Thursday, April 21st. Check out their jewelry, sip on pink drinks (Pepto-Bismopolitans?), gorge on appetizers and take pictures that you're going to hate later on because your "eyebrows look too fat". You know what really kills me? That dumb pouty lip/duck face pose that all the women are doing now. There's nothing sexy about looking like a platypus!

Objets d'Envy - Sparkle! Nosh! Pose!
Thursday, April 21st | 5:30 PM - 7:30 PM
Province | 161 N. Jefferson St


[Reminder] CISC Anniversary Party

Get ready to "network" until you black out at the Chicago Interactive Social Club's Anniversary Party on Thursday, April 21st at Underground! Open bar will be hosted by Absolut Vodka and appetizers will be passed around quicker than white people diseases on The Amistad. Nothing this wild has happened underground since CERN's Large Hadron Collider smashed two proton particle beams resulting in an event that produced 7 trillion electron volts of energy! Of course mixing Everclear, Sour Skittles and two cans of Red Bull is known to yield similar results.

CISC Anniversary Party
56 W. Illinois Street
Thursday, April 21 | 8 - 10 PM

Go here to RSVP:

Friday, April 15, 2011

Club 162 Grand Opening

Club 162 is having its GRAND OPENING on Thursday, April 21st! There's only room on the guest list for 200 people so you better RSVP immediately! You'll probably want to get to this one EARLY if you want to take advantage of the free drinks and appetizer BUFFET. That's right, a buffet!  Bid farewell to those passed appetizers that you have to fight for by clawing and elbowing your way through a stampede of old women with their beady eyes and growling stomachs.

Club 162 Grand Opening
Thursday, April 21st | 7 - 9 PM
3551 N. Sheffield Ave

RSVP to 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Underground Style Series

Underground is hosting a fashion show on Thursday, April 14th featuring Furla & NARS (no relation to Ashford and Simpson) as a part of the Style Series sponsored by Rockit Ranch Productions and PopSugar.  Get ready to party with a bunch of half nekkid models and servers while being entertained by a live performance from violinist Katarina Visnevska, whom I assume will also be scantily clad. Hopefully the bouncers will be fully dressed or else things might get a little awkward. This event is sponsored by Ketel One Oranje. Oranje you glad that it's ALMOST Friday? Doors open at 9 and the fashion show starts at 11ish.

Underground Style Series
Furla & NARS
Thursday, April 14th | 9 PM - ??
56 W. Illinois


Monday, April 11, 2011

Spring Style Event

Shopping, raffles, spring trends, hors d'oeuvres and "Pink Shop-pi-tini" cocktails by Ultimate Vodka. This one is DEFINITELY for the fellas! And by fellas I mean eunuchs. And by eunuch I mean Wendy Williams.

Spring Style Event - Shopping & Cocktail Party
Wednesday, April 13th | 5:30-9:30 PM
Private Party Room - 77 W. Huron St

RSVP to and check out their Facebook page.

Surfing Days/New York Nights

Bloomingdale's and CS Magazine are having another Surfing Days New York Nights event on Wednesday, April 13th. I checked out this little shopping promotion last year and it was a waste of time. There were a couple dudes standing by the escalator passing out free drinks and there might've been a DJ. Besides that I think the Bloomingdale's staff outnumbered the shoppers. After my seventh cocktail I ran out of that place as quick as I could. Then once I regained consciousness after falling down the up escalator for 10 minutes I was even more livid!  Hopefully this year will be better.

Surfing Days New York Nights
Wednesday, April 13th | 6 - 8 PM
Bloomingdale's (Men's Department?)
900 N. Michigan Ave

No RSVP required

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Metromix Summer Fest Guide Launch Party

Metromix is celebrating the launch of it's Summer Fest Guide with a party at State Restaurant & Cafe on Thursday, April 7th at 6:00 PM. Somehow I just found out about this so don't shoot the messenger. Surprisingly you still have time to RSVP so get on it if you plan to go. This free event is sponsored by Miller Lite and you can expect complimentary drinks and an appetizer buffet. I can't wait for the "Drunk Northsiders with Dogs and an 80's/Indie Cover Band Fest" this year!

Metromix Summer Fest Guide Launch Party
State Restaurant & Cafe
Thursday, April 7 | 6 - 9 PM
935 W. Webster Ave.


Sidenote: A Google Image search for "public intoxication" yielded dozens of pictures of Christina Aguilera and classy photos of women "lustfully lactating". Sad, yet intriguing.

The Art of Effen

My bad, I messed up the title. "The Art of Effen" is actually the name of Ron Jeremy's new autobiography. The event that will be taking place on Thursday, June 23rd at a mystery location is The Art of Design™, presented by EFFEN Vodka. Local mixologists will create unique cocktails using EFFEN Vodka and other special ingredients, and the crowd will vote for the winner. I can't tell you much more about this event, but I know it's going to be crowded so mark your calendar and get there EARLY!

EFFEN Vodka presents The Art of Design
Thursday, June 23 | 6:00 - 8:30 PM
Location: ???

RSVP here:

Saturday, April 2, 2011

OUT and Macy's State Street Fashion Extravaganza

Macy's State Street and OUT magazine are throwing a fashion party on Thursday, April 7 at 5:30pm. Complimentary Ketel One cocktails, hors d'oeuvres and live fashion? How can you go wrong?  Please note there's a $25 "suggested donation" which will benefit the Center on Halsted. I guess it's time for me to iron the wrinkles out of my Monopoly money again.

Macy's and OUT Magazine Fashion Party
Thursday, April 7| 5:30 PM
111 N. State St (2nd Floor)

RSVP Today 800-329-8667 or